I DON'T WANNA LIVE WITH YOU.

FIRST OF ALL,IF MY SISTER AMOI OR PN.AZNAH IS READING THIS.THIS POST IS MADE SPECIALLY FOR BOTH OF YOU.

how old am i?owh...im 24,and propably gt to celebrate my next birthday as 25 years old.the question is..WHY I CAN'T LIVE ON MY OWN????

please la Pn.Aznah..im not one of your sons yang nak duduk baawah ketiak ibu jek..and frankly speaking..saya amat-amatlah tidak selesa tinggal dengan orang yang dah berkahwin.

yes,i know that she is my sister and he is my bro-in-law..tapi..aduh..gila...GILAAAA punya xslesa.nak buat apa2 pun xboleh.dude,whats the point of living in your home bt can't even feel confortable in it?you tell me now.

ibu cakap kalau kami tinggal sorang2 nanti kami jadi setan..ppffftt....*i keep my mouth shut*..i know what is right and what is wrong la..

"what is right and what is wrong?"

kami xde la jugak cakap yang kami akan jadik baek 100%..tu memang penipu tahap semesta alam la tu kan...

but what im trying to say is...please,put your faith in me as your daughter,believe me so that i can start to love you...again.

is this for real??

i was scrolling on my last post when suddenly i saw that i get distracted very easily..

then i watch one of Ryan's Vlog when he said that he got ADHD..

then i read a tweet saying that if someone like to change his clothing style or nail color all the time,they are probably people with bipolar disorder..

then i think..

"hurm..maybe thats what happen to me?"

so i searched for it online and BAMM!!

OMG,THIS IS ME!!!

PN.AZNAH,I GOT ADHD AND BIPOLAR DISORDER!!!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attention_deficit_hyperactivity_disorder

ADHD Symptoms:

Predominantly inattentive type symptoms may include:^[29]

• Be easily distracted, miss details, forget things, and frequently switch from one activity to another
• Have difficulty maintaining focus on one task
• Become bored with a task after only a few minutes, unless doing something enjoyable
• Have difficulty focusing attention on organizing and completing a task or learning something new or trouble completing or turning in homework assignments, often losing things (e.g., pencils, toys, assignments) needed to complete tasks or activities
• Not seem to listen when spoken to
• Daydream, become easily confused, and move slowly
• Have difficulty processing information as quickly and accurately as others
• Struggle to follow instructions.

Bipolar Disorder Symptoms:

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0001924/

The manic phase may last from days to months. It can include the following symptoms:

• Easily distracted

• Little need for sleep

• Poor judgment

• Poor temper control

• Reckless behavior and lack of self control

  • Binge eating, drinking, and/or drug use

  • Poor judgment

  • Sex with many partners (promiscuity)

  • Spending sprees

• Very elevated mood

  • Excess activity (hyperactivity)

  • Increased energy

  • Racing thoughts

  • Talking a lot

  • Very high self-esteem (false beliefs about self or abilities)

• Very involved in activities

• Very upset (agitated or irritated)

These symptoms of mania occur with bipolar disorder I. In people with bipolar disorder II, the symptoms of mania are similar but less intense.

The depressed phase of both types of bipolar disorder includes the following symptoms:

• Daily low mood or sadness

• Difficulty concentrating, remembering, or making decisions

• Eating problems

  • Loss of appetite and weight loss

  • Overeating and weight gain

• Fatigue or lack of energy

• Feeling worthless, hopeless, or guilty

• Loss of pleasure in activities once enjoyed

• Loss of self-esteem

• Thoughts of death and suicide

• Trouble getting to sleep or sleeping too much

• Pulling away from friends or activities that were once enjoyed

  
  

  
  

  let me tell you people..i got possibly 80% of what you just read up there....luckily i can still control my mind...

  
  

  so this is the reason why..*sigh*......

  
  

Marry You????

I don’t know what is happening to me.okay,first I was like “Me??getting married?ppfftt”….and now i’m like “gosh,I’m 24 already?everyone in my family are getting married.am I gonna be single for the rest of my life?but,whose gonna marry me?” etc….

I’m going crazy right?and I’m saying all of that coz of stress?rrrriiggghhtt???? uugghh…seriously,this is killing me!! Okay,I know,i’m not popular among opposite sex,plus,I’m very very afraid of commitment.but why in the hell am I thinking about getting married.??

Oh I know,blame it on the fanfic.i think I read too much fanfics,that’s why I’ve been thinking about this crazy stuff.but…but..i’m not going to be any younger,I’m getting older day by day.oltho I hate marriage,but still,I want to become a mother.

I still wanna have someone who will take after my look,intelligence and airhead personality.will I ever get any of that? Do I need to change who I am today? Will that ever bring any good to me?

Frankly speaking,things are not going smooth for me,either my work,family or even love life.well,I can say adios to my love life,but,he is not the only guy in the whole wide world right?eventhou I still have her,it’s not right isn’t it?

Girl+girl=NOTHING!! Can u get pregnant with a girl?CRAZY….ooppss,I just revealed something,ain’t i?hahaha….surprise people.yup,I am who u thought I am.and if you think u wanna judge me now,please,feel free to get the hell out of my blog.

#nowplayying Chajjatta-JYJ

I’m going to start my journey in searching for MR.RIGHT!! I know you’re somewhere out there.i’m gonna do a little bit of transformation so that I will get ready for you and when the time is come,I’m gonna grab you and sing…

Chajatta naesarang,

Naega chatdun saram

Ddeugupgae anajoogoshipuh

Gamanhi nooneul gamajoollae

Naega ibmatchweo joolsoo-itgae

Saranghae nul saranghae

Chajatta,

Nae gyutae dool han saram

Then both of us can be in heaven..MY HEAVEN..

24/7,heaven,lets go~~~~~

errr…..no,I’m not searching for any K-Pop artist as my future husband,I’m so sorry TOP,G.O,Lee Joon,Jay Park,Utt,Chin,Koen and all my scandals out there.i’m looking for my other half..

YOU!!YES YOU!!! IM TALKING TO YOU MY OTHER HALF!! OH MY LEE SEUNGHYUN~~~~~~

My Life

ok,first thing first..this post is gonna be about me..oltho there gonna b some or a tiny bit about my fangirling life..but most of 'em are about me. (i got my own life too okay)..

okay,right now i'm working at Speedy Video.

(this is not my outlet,this is Speedy Fahrenheit 88)...

i started to work at speedy 3 days after i finish my practicum,that means on 3rd October 2011..so its about 3 months now.

hurm..what can i say about this work..well,first of all,i love it coz i can be with all the entertainment stuff..(so me)...but i thought sun until evening,but raining in the middle of the afternoon.

i transfer from one outlet to another.then i was placed in this latest outlet,quite near from my house,i met this 1 guy WHO i thought can be my PIC,but turn out to be he is one hell of a bitch.ugghh..just by talking about him makes me wanna kill this son of a bitch.

and now i got transfer again to another outlet,this time its far more nearer than my home,juz 10minutes,ride bicycle also can eh~~.....

hurm..bottom line is,this job is starting to give me headache..i mean a real headache...you think working in this kind of field is easy?pfftthh.....no it ain't.you gotta deal with the manager,clients,customers,staffs...eerrgghh....i think i got enough with all of this..

i need a new job!! a promising job!!!!

#BB5forlife #BIGBANG_FOREVER

this is a special post to my 5 gorgeous angels,my baybies,my inspiration,my world....

HAPPY 5TH ANNIVERSARY BIGBANG!!!

wow...im so blessed to be one of the VIPs to celebrate this beautiful days with you guys.you guys has give us nothing but a wonderful music all these years.every single songs means a lot to us.

for my personal favorite,i'll rank UNTIL WHENEVER as my ultimate Number 1 song because the lyrics just.........PERFECT!!!....

oh baby 울지마요 lady (oh)
우리의 그 약속 잊지 말아요 (oh)
그대만은 내가 지켜줄께 언제까지
[SR] 아무리 슬퍼도 [GD/TOP] (웃어야만해 난)
[DS] 힘들고 아파도 (참아야만해 난)
[YB] 네가 떠나가도 (붙잡지못해 난)
그래도 널 믿기에 우린 영원할 수 밖에

like what is writen....i'll be a VIP till the end of time...*sobs*...im so proud of you guys. you guys has been through a lot just to be at this spot today.non-stop giving us the best music in the universe.......nothing can make me turn away from you guys.

well,i can write a whole lot more in this entry but im afraid it will goes until 3-5 pages..hahaha...so i've stated what i need.congratulations again BIG BANG!! and Forever VIP!!.

Peace Out!! Leggo!!

Mari Merapu

okay,this post is about random things coz i suddenly feels like writing or updating my blog although i actually don't know what to write..

hurm,lets see....

right now im in my bedroom,sitting on the floor indian style with my blue smiley t-shirt and blue pink short.my memon a.k.a teddy bear is lying beside me and my itunes is playing TVXQ-Bolero right now.....

whatelse....

im tweeting with my friends:Anne in Manila,Amal in Hong Kong,Pridiv in Seoul,Aini in Taiping and the most important person is my Soulmate, Miss Ruzanna in Shah Alam....

more...

owh,looks like its going to rain any minute...although i dont like TVXQ,but i cant say no to Bolero..this song got something that makes me wanna cry.its like giving me a hope for something..i dont know,it just my feelings i think..

OHMAIGAWD!!!!

how can i forget the most important thing right now??? people,my hubby just color his hair to orang+blonde and he looks SMOKIN' HAWT!!! well,even if he color his hair to green or purple,he will still look hawt..kyaa~~!!!

look at that!!! aint he smokin' there??haa~~~ hubby,you have no idea how much im loving you right now..*faint*...

*still fainting*...

okay,im back guys!!fuuhh~~ who knows a guy in blonde Johnny Bravo hair can make your ovaries explode in the day..haha... O_O,wait a minute,im fasting dude,those that mean...NO!!uuggghhh......

you owe me Choi SeungHyun... *pout*..

i still cant watch tv coz my mummy is conquering it right now..i wanna watch MuBank but she cant stop watching her indonesian drama...sinetron...blueerghh....

opps,cancel that guys,I WATCHED MUBANK JUST NOW!!!hahahaha....wel,at first,my mum is conquering the channel but then she got some urgent stuff to take care so she leave the house right when Mubank start..

i starting to like Infinite-Be Mine and Hyuna ft Zico-Just Follow.i think Zico and the rest of Block B got a huge potential to be one of the best hip hop group.while other boygroup come out with cute and masculine type,they show their talent and passion in hip hop and i can say they are the 1st rookie that catch my attention in less than 10 minutes.i actually have this habit where i hate anything that is new like new group,new food,new person,just anything new because im afraid that new things cant give me the satisfaction that i need.but Block B just crush that taboo out of me and im sooooooooooo in hook with them.im proud to say that im a BBC now..^__^..

but there is 1 performance that i wanted to watch s bad,and that is MBLAQ!!! i just cant stop myself from screaming right from the begining till the end and the outfit..OMG,THEY WEAR YELLOW!!!AAHHHH!!!! *scream*.... FYI,im addic to yellow and animal print and guess what?G.O WEAR A YELLOW LEOPARD PRINT COAT!!!!! *drooling+running around the house+pulling my hair out*.......god,what have i done to receive this present today???

breath in,breath out......

luckily it just me and princess at home,or else my family will think that im already crazy.well,my mummy knew that i have this HUGE crush on Mr.Choi SeungHyun a.k.a TOP.with 3 huge poster of Big Bang in my room,my family already knew the name of each member..hahaha..feel the power of VIP! i also got this huge poster of 2NE1 on the wall

and my baby bro love Dara so the very much (he said that he will do anything to get her..ppffttt..keep on dreaming baby bro..) and my 2nd brother said that he like CL,said she got this fierce charisma in her.so everytime he came inside the room,he'll take a look at CL and smile a bit then head out.oh,a little note here,i have 6 brothers and 3 sisters and i share my room with my 2nd brother..well,we're not sleeping in the same room,he just use my room to store all his clothes.thats all.

huurrrmmm.....

i think that is all that i want to write...just some random stuff....and 1 more thing,I MISS YOU BABY BRO!!!!...i haven't seen him since last month and im missing him like crazy now...come back home babe,i promise to be a good sister.cant wait to go out on a date with you this hari raya ^_________^...

well,thats it.end of my story and i leave you guys with one of the hawty from YG Ent,but he's taken ladies..im so sorry but i love you~~~ Seven-Better Together.

Ciao~~~.......they call me se-se-se-seven,non naye he-he-he-heaven...

AAARRRGGHHHH!!! KIM.JAE.JOONG!!!!!!!

(p/s:this is the 2nd version of i hate you Kim Jaejoong)...

WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU DONE TO ME YOU....UUGGGHH!!!! im not gonna go slow or cute or whatever right now,what i want to know is WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU DONE TO MY BRAIN!!!!!!!

why am i so alert on any news about you? why am i jumping like a crazy fan girl when i heard that SBS gonna air "Protect The Boss" in Malaysia? why did I check on your CD/DVD everytime i went into music store? and WHY IN THE HELL DID I SAVE YOUR PICTURES IN MY LAPPY??

UUGGHHHHH!!!!! AAARRGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!

*breath in,breath out*...seriously dude..what have you done to me??? i can't put you in my hate list nor my bias list. its like you have this special spot in my heart and my brain that even im the real owner of my body cant figure it out.

i told you dude,this girl *ponting at myself* will never,ever,ever,ever (never say never...) ehem...sorry about that...i mean,NO,I WILL NEVER BE YOUR FAN and i had stated my reasons before....but i can't figure what is THIS????

let me tell you something crazy:

before:

1. never listen to TVXQ songs.

2. never bother anything about them.

3. never have any interest on them.

4.the only person i know back at the time is Junsu and thats coz he sang a duet "Timeless".

5. most of my friends are cassie and they always gossiping about you,yes, im talking about you Mr.Kim Jaejoong.."owh,jae oppa looks cute today" "oppa in white hair is awesome!" "oppa new song is sooooo into me" etc....and what did i do when they're fangirling about you? "jaejoong?hurm......don't care and don't give a damn.all i need is my TOP.kkyyyaa~~~!! (p/s:this is a real conversation people)....

after:

1. i download almost all of your japanese songs (and my favourite is Bolero,the music is......ehem..)

2.everything about JYJ/TVXQ is important for me.

3.my ultimate bias??urrmmm Kim Jaejoong?? but i still think Yunho is the most handsome among all of 'em...oh yeah baybeh~~~

4.now i know all of you,i can even spot who is who just by hearing to their voice.

5. i have a colleague named JOJO,i repeat,JOJO...but everytime im in a hurry,i'll call her JAEJOONG.....

6. uuhhh,TOP Hubby...i Love you,i do,sooooo much.it just that,umm... your bestie,yeah your F4.you know the guy name jaejoong??.umm...sss..how do i say this..i kinda like him??NO,not like Like,just like LIKE...you know what i mean right sweety??? you know that i will never cheat on you right?????

*facepalm*...im so bad at cheating,and this is the reason why my ex left me...

.....what ever dude,i'm happy now. i dont need you anymore,owh,before i forgot,you know 2NE1 latest single?no,not UGLY,that HATE YOU song??yeah..guess what?i dedicate that to you..hope you're happy with it ^________^...

Demmit woman,FOCUS!!! you are talking about KIM JAEJOONG right now,not some crazy guy who left you for his prettier bestie.."i think i'm ugly,and nobody wants to love me.just like her i wanna be pretty,i wanna be pretty.don't lie to my face coz i know im UGLY!!"

*sigh*.....my short-term memory+super duper distracted mind is getting worse day by day.nan eojjoragoooo~~~~~~~ i mean i start to eat more vegie (cucumber only),but still i try,right?and i double up my exercise routine..but it show no effect...TT^TT.......what else should i do??

argghh!! Bitch,you're talking about how much u hate Jaejoong right now,not about your crazy disease or even about that guy...F.O.C.U.S!!! can you read?yeah?so DO IT WOMAN!!

hahha..people,people~~ dont be scared.this is me,i sometimes need to scold myself and.........AARRGHHHHH *slap cheek*....

IM HERE TO STATE ABOUT WHAT KIM JAEJOONG HAD DONE TO MY LIFE.

.... and i even put your pic as my NinJoon a.k.a my phone wallie,upload your song into my MP4,change my chrome theme to your pic. and when my Cassie friends saw that they were like:

"babe,this ain't TOP ya know?"

"i know"

"do you have any idea who this smexyhawtcutey guy is?"

"yup"

"who?"

"Kim Jaejoong"

"and why do you have all of these in your phone and MP4?"

"............................"

people,thats when i feels like THIS IS WRONG!! i don't even have any answers for that.yeah,why did i save your pic?why did i listen to your song?

let me tell you guys 1 fact.my ex is actually a cassie and he used to sing "Somebody To Love" to me before...at first i think that is cute (actually my ex is really a cutey+plus he got this cute haircut..okay,CUT!).....then my bestie (who is a Hottest) start to liking the same song and sang to me all the time.althought my ex is cassie,i still don't have any interest on them.

UNTIL..dudung!!! 2 days after i broke up,i saw this song again playing on the tv and i feel like smashing the screen but i stop myself..and i dunno why.

and then,i saw this 1 cute post of jae on tumblr where he play with a puppy,

and i feels like.."awh~~ ain't that cute?" and i dunno why but i start to search everything about him,pictures,songs,videos,fanfics..you name it,i search through it.

and i feels like.."woah~~ this is too much,i start to feel something about him" but ignore it,coz i know that it just a simple crush and i'll get over it for the next 2 or 3 weeks.huh,that whats i think its gonna be at first..but now.EVERYTHING IS ABOUT HIM!

guys,i almost bought a huge poster of Kim Jaejoong last saturday but i quickly pull my bestie out of that shop.i mean...really bitch?you're gonna buy Jaejoong's poster?for what?you ain't his fan,you don't even like his songs..so why do you want to buy his poster?are you crazy?????

im about to lose my mind,

you've been gone for so long,

i'm running out of time,

i need a doctor,

call me a doctor,

to bring me back to life....

yeah,i need a specialist to tell me what kind of disease im in right now.can't i have a disease where i can be crazy over my TOP hubby?or maybe G.O?or Lee Joon? or Jay Park??yeah.....why is it must be Kim Jaejoong?? not Park Jaebom???wae??WAE??????

*sigh*.....i'm done and i dont even have an answer for that. you are making me crazy mister and i dont know how long it'll be.maybe a year,maybe 10 years?? can i request something from you?can you like have a girlfriend right now so that i won't be crazy over you anymore??owhhh..you can't do that coz cassie totally gonna....uummm.....

I KNOW WHAT SHOULD I DO!! get myself a new boyfriend who is not a cassie and not a tall guy with a golden hair and..........i cant do that....*sigh*

aarrrggghhhh!!!! whatever dude,just do whatever you want,its not even my business.....but.......

TOP HUBBY!!!!! I NEED YOU NOW SWEETHEART!!!!!!! GET THIS GUY OUT OF MY HEAD!!!