i have a lots of good and sweet memories with all of you.i still remember how angah will play with my hair back when i was little,she'll make all kinds of hairdo for me,and i can say it's the prettiest hairdo in the world.Mat,i still remember the way he hold me when i was crying because daddy won't let me follow him.he comfort me and tell me that it's okay,he's gonna be there and he'll take care of me until daddy come back.he also the one that comfort me the day daddy pass away,telling them he'll be there for me.andak,for me you are the sweetest big brother.you still call me adik even i'm so big right now.whenever you saw me walking home alone,you'll give me a ride with your green bicycle and carry my big+heavy bag on your back.awang,whenever you feel uncomfortable or you feel dizzy,you will always ask me to give you a massage and thanks me when you feel a little better.awin.do you know that i envy you so much back then,because you are so good,you're good in sport,in academic and your pretty too,how i wish i can be like you when i grow up.amar,we have a great memories when we were small.we will play together,do everything together,play in the school pool,and let me tell you something,whenever your drawing were post on the school board,i am so damn proud of you and will tell my friend that this is my brother's drawing.for aiman n ain,well,there's no word than can describe how much i love you guys.i may be harsh sometimes,it's not that i hate you guys,just that i want you guys to be the best and better than me.i don't want you guys to follow my foot step coz i can say that i'm the worse in the family,i can't get into SMKA until i'm in form6,not like other siblings,they are way clever than me,they get into the school after they finish their primary school.n i'm not good in academic,sports anything.i promise you guys that i'll do anything for you even if it cost me my life.
mom,i can tell you that i do have some good memories of you.i still remember how you will bring back guava everytime you go to the market when you know that i love to eat it.you throw me the biggest n the best birthday party in my life when i was 6,you made this delicious cakes,buy a lot of chocolate and invite all my friends.there's much more,but i can't recall any of it because of all the hates that i have in me.i'm sorry mom,i'm really sorry.i've try my best to open up my heart try to love you,but i just can't,it's hard,it feels like if i start to love you and put you inside my heart,you will go away,just like daddy.let me tell you something,i can't love anybody right now because i'm afraid that they'll leave me too.daddy's memories just keep mingling inside of me.i think about him every freaking day.i know you guys feels the same too.we all miss him,and i miss him more because i spend have of my life with,i learn only to love him,so when he's gone,i don't think i belong in this world anymore,it's like god had taken my heart with him.i can't set my mind straight until now.everything is just like a dream to me.everytime i go to sleep,i wish that he'll be there,telling me that it's okay for me to sleep because the angles will be here all night long to take care of me and no monster can come near me.and when i wake up,he'll be there,infront of me.smiling at me and kiss me in the forehead just like he use to do. i gave up eating chocolate because that's the most important things that remind me of him,i went to hatyai,to recall all the memories with daddy.i can still see how stiff we are we he took the picture.i miss his big batik sweater even if i kinda hate it,heh,it's too big for me.
guys,i don't know whether i should say this or not.all of you have a problem with each other.everyone is a grown up here,just think about it.1st thing 1st,never ever judge a book by it's cover.angah,even if awin didn't wear her headgear,that doesn't mean that she's bad.she still takes a good care of me.although sometimes she'll piss me off,but still,it doesn't change the fact that she is always concern about me.try to open your heart to except here,she might be different compare to others,but she have her own way to show her love.awin,i don't know what happen to your past with angah,but what i can say is,she is not as bad as you think she is.she always think about our family since she's the oldest.she always wanted the best.she try to keep the pace between our family and daddy's.losing daddy doesn't mean that we are no longer apart of them.
i know that we have a family meeting everytime,but i just didn't feel it because we're not really telling others on how much we feels.i'm not saying that i love the family meeting because i totally hate it,but i can say that it's really a good thing for us.just don't do it every year,can ah?hehe..
i miss the old times,the time where all of us will sit together and enjoy our meal,the time when we will surround dad and mom,and ask them to tell the story when we're still a kid.everything is nothing now.i can't feel the love no more.i can say that i'm all alone right now.all that i have with me is just memories,memories that will never come back again.never.
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