walking away....

prob dtng m'curah mcm air,i can't juz walk away like tat,not even a minute of my life now tat i feel peace.i'm scared,i think abt it 24/7.i really wish,if i can turn back tym,i'll nvr done tat.actlly,i dunno whether i shud feel regret or not.ol tat i'm think at tat tym is 2 make u guys proud of me,n now,it's become burden for all of u guys.it's not tat i don't wanna ask 4 ur guyz help,its juz tat,kami segan...heh,sounds funny rite?mst org akn ckp,"ngan family sndr pn segan ke?",but d truth is,memang kami segan.i dunno y???maybe coz kami rs yg kami ni more give beban than t/jwb pd dorg.ye la,msng2 ad hal dorg yg sndr.haih.........i h8 myself so much now.......

what shud i do......

entah la,sometimes 2 kami rasa cam nk hilang kn diri neh wat slama-lama nya,i mean lari dari family ngan kwn2, n go 2 different places n start a new lives there.so tat bl dorg sdr tntg k'hilangan kami,br la kami attack dorg 1 by 1,muahahah.........
ha.....bl kami rapat ngan member2,family kami bising,dorg kata kami suka m'blakang kn dorg,tp bl kami try nk share mslh ngan dorg,buat pandg enteng plak,pe cer??? kami sdr,kami neh juz sbgi beban jek tuk korg,sumpah dowh,klu kami neh jutawan,i don't need u guys,korg bley smpn la duit korg tuh bwh bantal ke,dlm tilam ke,kami xkn kaco lgsg!!!!!!!eish....geram nya........
sometimes gak,kami nk jek hurt myself sampai kami hlng ingatan so tat i won't remember any prob tat i have,...ha.....tapi sume 2 kami bley byngkn je la.....coz i'm still waras lg.blom gila lagi........argh!!!!!!!!!!!!!byk nya problem!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

banjir@bah@ayaq nek...

yesterday,i gain 1 more experience hare in kachi,banjir yg agak teruk gak la,n diz iz my story.....

kami ad xm smlm kat DTSO kol 2:30pm,*exam*.....dh siap sume,kami kuar awl coz nk g gym,dh lm xg dym rs sngl2 plak bdn.klu ikut kn mang smlm hari cerah jek,tp once kami kuar dr DTSO,mula2 cam raining c&d jek,ms 2 ml la rs cam mls nk g gym,tp hati rs nk g gak.*walking 2 sport cntr*.....smpi sn,tkr bj,*gym time!!*ms kat dlm 2 mang dh dgr gak ujan agk lbt nk mampos, so kami kuar awl la,slalu nya kami akn stay for 1 1/2 hour,tp smlm ramai sgt org,xsyok plak,bek kuar awl,lgpn tkt xde bas..*bathing*....*walking 2 bus stop*....*waiting for bus*...arnd kol 6:15 bas sampai,bas feveret plak tuh,bas no 11,*moving*....tetiba bas brenti,tgk jem pnjg.......gila,ujan plak dh stat lbt,pak cik bas ckp, "xpa,sat ja ni,sat g bley la lalu" fuh.....lega sket dgr nye,*waiting*........adus,dh kol 7 lbey neh,keta dpn xgerak2 gak.pak cik bas pn kami tgk dh cam cuak2 sket, "dulu sat ja,15 mnt,pas 2 bley jln,xtaw la napa lmbt sgt kali ni".adus pak cik neh,td dia yg konpiden sgt2,skunk dia plak yg cuak...pak cik tny sape2 yg nk g tgk air g la trn,niat mang nk trn,tp d'sbb kn malas+letih,i juz stay indide d bus,bek kami dgr lagu 2pm lg bez,~listen to my heartbeat,it's beating for you~...hm...heaven jap....
Back 2 my story,skali pak cik UK dtng bg info,dia kt mang xbley nk lalu lgsg,air deras gila,pas 2 ad kayu balak t'sadai tgh jln.adus....pak cik suh ktorg nek bas dpn,bas no 10,*changing bus*,coz UK sarankan sume kndraan U-turn blk.nk xnk,uncle bas no 10 neh pn u-turn la blk,stop kat cafe utama smntr nk tggu air surut,*waiting*.........adus,dh kol 8lbey,xde tnd2 gak air nk surut,nk balik!!!!!skali uncle gtaw, "adik,ad kwn2 x yg ddk kat dlm,kachi mang xbley p la,depa sekat jalan,ayaq xmau surut lagi,klu ad kwn bgtaw la depa,tumpang tidoq blk depa mlm ni",xnk!!!i want my room,my bed,my chansung(my lappy),my big bang(poster),my darling (my cutey yellow pillow)!!!!!adus.....nk tido blek sape neh?Abg Encem?Rabi?Jay Chou?adus.....byk sgt plhn...oh ya,amal,nyah,jue ngan mas ad kat dlm,*sending message*la...xbls la plak,uncle bas dh msk dlm blk,skali he got a call from his friend saying tat air dh stat surut,but still laju lg,kayu blk 2 pn dorg dh alih ke tepi.ktorg (bkn kami la,ad la some indian girl yg duk kat seat dpn) pujuk uncle lalu gak kat air 2,yelah,masing2 nk blk blek sndr,huhu..tym ni la kami rs sayunk kat blek kami 2....mula2 uncle 2 cam xnk,tp dia pikir blk,sian kat ktorg,dia pn trs kan gak,ktorg yg kat dlm bas 2 sume b'debar2 sblm sampai kat bridge,everyone hopes that we all can go thru,sampai je kat bridge,UK still ttp jln,uncle kawtim jap ngan UK,dorg kasi lps,pak cik Uk tny uncle brani lalu x? "brani,depa ni ad skali,sat g klu hanyut sama2 la" chet,bley buat lwk plak uncle neh,slowly,bas lalu kat bridge 2,air mang deras gila,kayu balak 2 besaq nak mampoih!jaln pn bley t'hakis,siap lampu jln nk tumbg,byngkan la pny kuatnya air 2,tiba2,kami nmpk leng chai!!!!awh~~~~~encemnya....~~~~*fainting*.....ehem,back 2 my story,slow2 uncle bwk bas n WE MADE IT!!!!fuh rs mang lega tahap wonderpets bl la dpt lepas banjir 2,tapi keta ngan motor dorg xkasi lalu coz mang bhy lg.sampai je blk,trus kami cite kn p'ngalamn indah neh kat rumet kami,dia pn ngan khusyuk nya m'dgr cite kami......ah....lega gila dpt blk blek,i love kachi!!!

what cud it be..???

i donno y,but l8ly i've been havin' bad dream,i dream tat my mom is sick (again), my sis became handicapped, n we only have RM 22.70 in our bank account.i dunno maybe it's a sign or juz coz i'm too tired.i can't describe how tired i m.kerja x putus2,lps 1-1.bek fizikal o mental,2-2 penat.think of takin' a br8,but then i'll b thinkin' abt my work all dy long. *sigh*........ah~~~~~ i want Baskin Robbins~~~
bila kita dh penat cam nie, fosho kita akn miss sum1,for me,i miss my dad and nuhar.NUHAR,i'm so sorry 2 tell u diz,i really can't let u go, now matter wat happen, ur still d one tat i want.i don't care abt wat others will say,even my sister had start 2 accept me 4 who i m.ain't tat a good thing? i really want u 2 come back,let me hear ur voice.......

let me hear your voice,

if we become honest surely,

we'll b able 2 understand each other,

please open ur heart,

let me hear your voice,

the path we have come is,for us, deffinetly,

an important step 2 d future,

let me hear your voice,

if we become more kind,

we'll be able to love each other,

don't avert your eyes,

let's get over those entwined anxieties and loneliness,

the feeling of this moment become our bond...

Big Bang- Koe Wo Kikasete

i really want to hear ur voice again............... 4 daddy,u'll always b my 1 n only,there's no 1 tat i cn compare u to.

and now,i have 2 prepare 4 my final n do preperation b4 goin' 2 taiwan.ha~~~~~~

lurve u daddy....

(again, i rite a post abt nuhar,actly i want 2 write abt how tired i m,ntah camne bley tkluar nm nuhar plak,gomenneh!!)

sashiburi....

wa.......rs nya dh b'kurun x tls blog.bkn pe,xde masa.sjk blk cuti raye ari 2,bzzzzz je manjang.jd smntr ad ms sket neh,bley la nk m'bebel 2 3 perenggan.hm.....wat shud i stat with???
oh ya,1st, cam bese la,every convo ktorg akan perform tuk koir.same s diz sem,n sem neh ktorg bwk lg len sket,i believe (il divo ft Celine Dion),untuk nusa bangsa (Ginggerbread), yue lai xiang, n d rest are our ol' song.quite m'cbr gak r sem neh nya perf,ktorg kn bwk lg france n mandarin. well mandarin is not a big prob 4 me, but 4 other tat is not chinese, they maybe had a lil' bit difficulties, but it doesn't matter coz d perf turn out amazing.tp ad plak part yg xbezh nyeh, pihak UUM dh invite choir 4m philippines 2 make a spcl perf on d 1st day.WTF!!! dorg mang dh profesional, ktorg yg amatur neh mang xt'lwn la.tp mujur dorg ok,so puas hati gak r.

2nd,i pas thru aiesec booth at lib 1 day n i saw them promoting on going exchange 2 china n taiwan,hm.....this looks interesting.so i sign up 4 their info session.dgr dorg xplain avtg abt diz xchge stuff, syok gak,so i cont 4 d 2nd steps,tat is EPRB, tym neh dorg akn intrview kt,nk tgk mind set kt neh bley xadapt ngan environment kat sn.n guess wat...I PASS!!!! mang happy sesangat lah.amoi la la happy, bl kami gtaw jek kami dpt g china,trus dia kol,huhu...i love you amoi!!!!klu ikut prancangan awal, maybe 20/11 neh kami g, n blk xkonfem lg bl coz nmpk gaya nya cam kn tkr tarikh plak.hm.....so skunk neh mang bz la nk siap kn paspot,visa,med chk-up,n bl kami smpi sn dh bln november, ain't it suppose 2 b winter there???wa.......tringin plak nk main snow,huhu.......

PARK JAEBOM.......kajima.....

i dunno if diz is rite o wrong,but my heart hurt soooo much...it's like sum1 had stab me rite in my heart.it may snd stupid 2,but i feels like crying, from d moment i heard tat bad news until now,i dunno how long i cn hold my tears.Y???????? Y did u guyz had 2 b fucking cruel 2 him?did he ever done anytg wrong 2 u guys????

i'm talking abt 2pm beasty n cutey leadja,PARK JAEBOM.he juz an innocent kids,4 me,wat he did is a normal thing.he juz feels lonely, suddenly being in a new place where u knw notin' abt it will totally m8 u wanna go back 2 ur hometown,besides,he has no one 2 talk 2 .y did u guys had 2 hacked in2 his personall message???if i'm an officer,i will definetly put u guys in2 jail o hang u guys 2 death!!!!i mean it!!!n using ur stupid n narrow-minded brain,u,anti-fan,sign a petition 4 jay 2 commid suicide?WTF!!!GTH!!! n when thing olredi getting worse,u guys simply juz say tat ur sorry,MFB,nobody gonna buy tat n we will nvr 4give u.look wat've u done,jay oledi quit 2pm and gone back 2 seattle.arrgghhh...........i'm so damn piss off rite now!!!!!!!!!!patut nya kami santau jek netizens2 bodo 2,bia mampos!!!!muahaha!!!!!!!!!!!bia korg rasa pe yg jay rasa!!!!!!xpn guna vodoo jek,srh sume an2 yg ad kat dunia neh rasuk korg,bia meracau sampai hembusan yg t'akhir!!!!!!waargghhhh..!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

jay,pliz come back,HOTTEST LUV SOOOOOO MUCH......2pm is notin' w/o u.like wooyoung said,2pm isn't abt 7 guys,it's abt a person.n u,d leadja,is d head of 2pm,how cn a person live w/o a head???so pliz...don't m8 us sign a petition 2 boycott ol 2pm career juz 2 m8 u come back.damn,if i'm in korea now,i'll definetly join d boycott at JYP studio..jay,pliz come back....we need u....ONLY U.................jay,if only i can b ur angle,protect u from d pain n danger....

reminisence over u..

ah.....it's that day again.the day that i wish it will nvr come back my life.i wish d wrld cld juz stop rite b4 it hit diz dy.bt i don't have any pwr 2 do tat.diz iz one of d dy tat m8 ma hrt ache so much.......



07 september 1946.....



ni la trkh kramat dimana sorg bayi b'nama abdul rahman dilahirkan.sjk kecik lg ayh dh dilatih utk hidop berdikari,bkn sbb kesempitan idop.tp keadaan Malaya wk2 2 yg still undr jajahan jepun n blom lg merdeka.siblings ayah ad 4 org,2 laki,2 pmpn.ayh ank ke-3,n d one n only yg smbg blaja samapi U.klu ktorg ngadu mls nk g skul ke,jaoh la,xde bas la,ayh slalu cite camne dia kena kayuh beskal sampai 10 km,trn nek bkt lg,kn plak kuar umah sblm sbh smata2 nk sampai skul sblm monin' asmbly.1 thing abt ayah is,he nvr addres his own father as abah ke,walid ke watsoever,tapi ayah pggl aki(atuk) kami,ayah andak.bl ktorg tny nape,dia kt it's on of the wy he show his respect 2 his own father.n ayah pggl uweh(nenek) kami,Nyang.cam org baba pggl mak dorg,Nya Nya.tp kami xtaw la klu uweh 2 baba ke x,tp yg km taw she's a chinese.ad 1 gamba dia kami smpt tgk ms kecik dl,dia mang cantik...... sgt,aki pn encem,smart cam malay warrior g2.



pas abis skul mngh,ayah dpt smbg blaja kat UKM,tym 2 UKM br bk,kira ayah mang pure pny 1st batch stdn la.ayah amik kos Usuluddin(klu xslh kami la),n ms konvo,ayah sorg je pake shades avatar ms nk amik ijazah,bila ktorg tny "nape ayah pakai shade?cikgu xmare ke?"(bdk2 tny),ayah mesti ckp,"t sng la ank2 ayh nk cam ayh",hehe,future minded btol...



pas abis blaja,baru ayah kawen ngan ibu.klu slh kami ms ayah kawen,umur ayah dlm 28 o 29 cam 2 la,tapi ibu muda,19 thn baru....org dolu2 dating tmpt bese jek,plng grand pn kat zoo,2 pn bwk member,kira dble dating la.family ibu memula xtime ayah coz ayah org pahang,kami xtaw la pe ibu bilang sama dia pny family sampi diorg bley time ayah.kami rasa dorg jmp kat kl la,coz ibu mang dari kecik duk kat kl(coz she nvr stay with her real mother,she was raised by her aunt n grdmthr.)pas 2,ayh dpt keja jd lect kat MPI(maktab perguruan islam),n ms stay kat kl 2,along,angah ngan mat lahir.3-3 lahir kat hsptl assunta,3-3 msk tadika raihan.pas mat lahir,ayah dpt plak twrn jd pnlg knn skul.disinilah bermulanya k'hdpn kuarga salehudin sbgi org nomad.mn xnye,stay kat 1 skul 2-3 taun,pas 2 kena plak pndh kat tmpt len.klu dkt2 xpe,ni kena cross 2 3 negri br sampe.60 hari lps kami lahir,ktorg skali lg kn pndh ke negri bwh bayu,coz ayh nek pgkt as pengetua.lama gak r ktorg stay sn,dlm 5 6 taun cam 2,abg2 n akak2 kami sume xreti ckp mlayu bese,ateh,udoh b'gaul ngan org sbh24 jm.lm gak br dorg bley ckp bese.



ayah is a person who will do anytg n avtg 4 his family.i wld say,xpenah skali pn kami rs kecewa ngan ayah,mang sometimes km xbley tima kptsn dia,bt pe yg dia wat 2 sbnr nya btl.wen it comes 2 religious stuff,ayh mang strict,tp klu ajk main, lg gila dr ktorg.hobi ayh sbnr nya nyanyi,sm la ngan ibu,kengkadang 2 bley gdh plak 2-2 org 2,sbb slh lrk la,pitching lari,(klu tym 2 ad rncgn jgn lp lirik,msk kn jek ayh ngan ibu dlm 2).antr gr8 stuff abt ayah is,he alwys show his luv 2 his children,dlm diary ayh,sume buzday ank ayh tls,buzday ibu,anvrsry dorg.kiranya ayh xpenah lp nk smbt buzday ank2 dia.ayah is a romantic guy 2,dia slalu buat2 lupa buzdy ibu,bl ibu tny igt xbuzday dia,ayh mesti buat2 lupa,bg mcm2 alsn la konon nya,pas 2 bila tgh mlm,bl ktorg sume dh tido(tido ke?pdhl sumenye ngendap ayah ngan ibu,hehe..),br ayh bg prsent kat ibu.kengkadg 2 ayah buat2 la suh ibu tmn kn dia g bl brng,tp jgn bwk ktorg(eleh,alsn,nk dating ckp je la).ad 1 set diary yg ayah sediakan tuk ktorg,stiap sorg ad diary msng2,kat dlm 2 la ayh tls avtg abt ktorg,cam bila andak mula jln,1st dy awin msk skul,kira cam life journey ktorg la.n wen it comes 2 my buzday,prsnt ayh simple jek,he juz bought me a box of choc,pandan layer o blueberry cake,n den ktorg akn smbt sm2.i wld say,he will give me choc 4 av gud thing that i've done,cam dpt mrkh bek,dh khatam quran,even klu kami majuk ngan ayah pn,he juz gave me choc,n avtg will be fine..

ayah,i juz want u 2 know smtg.i'll alwys luv u,n u r avtg 2 me.n if i could turn back time,i swear i'll do anytg 4 me even if it's mean tat i have 2 sacrifice my onw life.i love u so much,i won't let anyone 2 t8b ur place in my heart,coz no one can replace u.i can't resist it,i think abt u av sgle day,altho u had left be,but 2 b honest,i always wish tat wen i come home,i wld c u sitting on ur fvr8 couch n smiling n waiting 4 me 2 come home.i still can forgive myself,y shud i left u on ur death bed,n go back 2 my skul,i'm so sorry,forgive me daddy.....